Why I do what I do…

…and how I got here in the first place.

On so many healing websites, blogs and (especially on) social media; you will see people describing their “healing journey”, which is wonderful. Mine however could maybe best described as a car crash!

Back in 2020, as the world (and the NHS) was brought to its knees, I began my “journey” into menopause. Looking back, all the signs were there – some rather too graphic to describe on here! Let’s just say that if you can no longer wear trousers or ride a bike, you have my absolute sympathy.

Yes I had dryness, yes I had hot flushes and yes I could have cheerfully murdered my poor husband on a daily basis; but that was not what caused this sh*t show. For me, the worst part, and the part it took me forever to connect to my see-sawing hormones, was the emotional toll it took on me – and the toll it took on every single aspect of my life.

The emotional impact of the menopause

The anxiety, the fear, the crippling doubt.

The constant questioning of who you really are.

The inability to show up for myself on a daily basis.

The fatigue (I struggled to climb a flight of stairs at one point) and the brain fog simply exacerbated this already miserable existence.

The NHS and the menopause

As I already mentioned, all this played out against the backdrop of the Pandemic and so I resisted contacting my GP; knowing full well there were more important things for them to be dealing with.

And so it got worse. The brain fog affected my work, the anxiety affected my sleep. I was a shadow of my former self. Unable, in the end, to get help from my GP; I turned to the Newson Clinic and the wonderfully amazing Dr Sian who set me off on a programme of HRT.

The hot flushes were cured, and I became a much nicer person to be around (I still can’t wear trousers…) but something was still amiss. Deep down I knew it – I just couldn’t admit it, and on I soldiered like the good and well behaved individual I am. Until I just couldn’t.

Exhaustion and overwhelm

Eventually I broke, and found myself in floods of tears on Zoom call whilst trying to explain to the lovely lady, laid on by the Heritage Lottery Fund during the Pandemic to help those in the heritage sector, about the series of unfortunate events that was just starting to unfold at work. She made me promise to seek out professional help, and so my “journey” began.

In 2021 I tried a therapist, but as an introvert I’m not very good at talking to people! I found it embarrassing to have to explain my situation, because basically – cards on the table – I was ashamed of the situation I found myself in, largely through no fault of my own other than being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Later that year, as the fatigue and brain fog reached the stage where I could barely function, I managed to convince myself that I had Lupus – it was the only sensible answer. I was ill, therefore there had to be something physically wrong.

Self respect in the menopause

I was incredibly fortunate to find The Lupus Rebel on Facebook (AKA Dr Connie), an autoimmune patient, Physical Therapist, Registered Dietitian, Institute of Functional Medicine Certified Practitioner, Pilates Instructor, Yoga Teacher and all round saviour. I joined her 16 week Gut Healing Transformation programme, and that was the start of me turning my life around. When I say turning my life around, I need you to think of the biggest ocean liner possible – the ones with a turning circle of about five miles. I’m not one of those miraculous cases whereby I was instantly changed – oh no, this goes on for another three year!

By the time I met Dr Connie I had been tentatively diagnosed with Histamine Intolerance and MCAS (Mast Cell Activation Syndrome), both of which are characterised by your immune system reacting to things it shouldn’t; such as food, chemicals, smells, fabrics, heat, even water – and in my case, all of the above.